Hi everyone! I hope you are all doing well! Thank you for taking the time to read my blog!
I just got back from an amazing training camp experience, and I am going to share a little bit of those spiritually, physically, and emotionally challenging days as we prepared to launch on the world race in January. A lot happened, and honestly, I am still processing it all, so please bear with me as I try to share how God worked in me those eight days!
Going into training camp, I had two large fears. I was all in and willing to follow God’s calling for me, but these fears were keeping me from being all in the full 110% that is needed for God to work in me and through me to the fullest potential. With every part of me being solely His and surrendering all to Him, there is more room for His love because my fears are no longer occupying that space. I’m going to be vulnerable here because I want y’all to better understand just how much God worked in me this past week.
The first fear I had was that this would all be for nothing. That I was going to abandon my normal life for 11 months and not feel like I made an impact for the Kingdom. Even though I knew that this race was God’s plan for me, and I knew that God would use me because He called me. But I still doubted. I still had fears. I still felt insecure. And these were all lies from the enemy trying to destroy the good that God is doing and is going to do.
My second fear is a little more complicated, and I hadn’t realized how deep the enemy had wiggled in until I experienced God’s healing. All my life I hear stories of God doing supernatural things through people for good. I have always been amazed and full of joy when God uses people to heal, to perform miracles, to speak in tongues, to prophesize, to speak to others, and much more. And this week at training camp, he was doing a lot of supernatural things in and through my squadmates. I was so happy for them, but I was beginning to feel insecure. I knew that if God wanted to, He could do amazing things through me, yet He hasn’t ever done so. Was there something wrong with me? Am I not being open enough for Him to work, or was I blocking Him somehow? I couldn’t figure it out, I felt left out in a way, and I would beg God to use me.
And as the week moved along, I found myself feeling more and more overwhelmed with these fears. These fears were eating at me, and I didn’t know what to do. I felt them weighing me down, and I knew that they were keeping me from learning and growing as much as I wanted to.
About halfway through the week, we had a session about Holy Spirit and the ways He can work through us. At the end, the speaker asked us if there was anything we were holding back that was preventing us from fully inviting Holy Spirit to do work within us. I started crying, and the speaker asked if any of us needed prayer letting go. Many of us raised our hands, and our squad leaders went around praying for us. I had one leader come over to me, laid hands on me, pray over me quietly, and left to pray for others. I didn’t feel any better, and I cried harder. Why didn’t God want to work in me?
A couple of moments later, she came back, and she shared that God gave her a vision of me. (I didn’t know it at the time, but God has blessed her with the gift of prophecy.) She started describing her vision:
There was a wheat field, and it was harvest season. There was this grain stalk that was full of wheat seeds, and the seeds were falling off onto the ground. There were harvesters going by it and picking them up.
She then asked God what the vision meant and what He wanted her to tell me. She tells me:
God says that you are the grain stalk. You have seeds that are falling for people to pick up. You are like Mary or Martha. They were normal and there was nothing supernatural about them. Yet God used them. You are normal, and there may not be anything supernatural about you, but there are harvesters reaping what I sowed. God loves you, and He is using you, and He will continue to use you.
Okay. Now I was balling. God knew what I needed, and He provided. In fact, He gave me a double in one! I felt so overwhelmed with love. I physically felt the fears and pain be lifted right out of me. He literally healed me and took my burdens. I just felt so overwhelmed – in a good way – that I couldn’t stop crying.
The lady who prayed over me came back and gave me a big hug. She says, “He loves you so much!” She told me that she just felt like God wanted her to tell me again.
And for the rest of the week (and even now), I felt His love so strongly and I would start crying (happy tears) because of what God did for me! He loved me enough to listen to my cries. He loved me enough to answer my cries. He loved me enough to affirm the fact that He loves me so I never questioned it again. And of course, I’ll never forget that He loved me enough to send His son to die in my place, so that He can have a relationship with me. That’s how much He loves me – and that’s just a fraction of how much He actually loves me!
I feel so much lighter. I felt that I was already beaming with joy in my life because I had Christ, but I feel that now I’m just radiating with much more joy because I feel so loved by my Father. He brought me so much healing. And I am so excited to see God continue to work in me and in the world during this journey and for the rest of my life! He is just so good! I feel blessed to be loved! And I want everyone else to know how much He loves them too! I just can’t wait!
Thank you again for taking the time to read my blog and being a part of this crazy journey! Stay tuned for more blog posts about my training camp experience!
